USELESS, pathetic, insipid, spineless, desperate, rubbish and all those other words we are not allowed to print in the nation’s favourite newspaper.
England are the joke of European football.
Thrown a lifeline by Israel at the weekend, England opted for suicide led by goalkeeper Scott Carson whose howler set us on tCarson replaced the equally gaffe-prone Paul Robinson but given the parlous state of English goalkeeping we might as well have gone with Willie Carson. The diminutive jockey could not have done any worse.
After the game Steve McClaren told his players: “We must all stick together.”
The buck, though, stops with the manager. He said he should be judged over the 12 games yet stubbornly refused to resign after last night’s fiasco.
He had to go. The nation had no confidence in him. McClaren has somehow taken the so-called golden generation backwards from the Sven Goran Eriksson era.
Let’s have Sven back. We can only dream of three successive quarter-finals now.
McClaren should not be the only one taking the blame, though. His players have let him down badly.
Staring into the abyss
Yes, England were missing the likes of skipper John Terry, Rio Ferdinand, Wayne Rooney and Michael Owen last night but we are constantly told we have enough “stars” to cope.
We have not. In fact we should ban the word star from being used in conjunction with an England player ever again.
This is as bad as it gets. On Sunday the World Cup draw is being staged in Durban and every team England are drawn against will be a potential threat.
This defeat ranked alongside the draw with Poland 34 years ago — which cost us a place at the 1974 World Cup — in England's hall of shame.
Like that night, this was another where the rain poured down. McClaren stood on the touchline with brolly in hand more interested in keeping himself dry than getting his tactics sorted out.
In contrast, opposition boss Slaven Bilic stood out there in beanie hat directing operations.
He could not have cared less about getting wet.
It is almost impossible to imagine a worse start to a game that any team could possibly make.
Think of your worst nightmare, multiply it by 100, and you would still be some way short.
A point was all England needed. Yet within 14 minutes they were staring into the abyss.
On eight minutes, Portsmouth’s Niko Kranjcar tested Carson with a 30-yard dipper and, as the young keeper stooped to collect it in the skiddy conditions, the ball bounced off his left arm and into the net. It was a howler in the same bracket as Robinson’s air shot in Zagreb where England lost a year ago.
At least Robbo had the excuse that the ball hit a divot on that occasion, whereas Carson failed the basic schoolboy test of getting his body behind the ball. he way to Euro 2008 elimination.
England are the joke of European football.
Thrown a lifeline by Israel at the weekend, England opted for suicide led by goalkeeper Scott Carson whose howler set us on tCarson replaced the equally gaffe-prone Paul Robinson but given the parlous state of English goalkeeping we might as well have gone with Willie Carson. The diminutive jockey could not have done any worse.
After the game Steve McClaren told his players: “We must all stick together.”
The buck, though, stops with the manager. He said he should be judged over the 12 games yet stubbornly refused to resign after last night’s fiasco.
He had to go. The nation had no confidence in him. McClaren has somehow taken the so-called golden generation backwards from the Sven Goran Eriksson era.
Let’s have Sven back. We can only dream of three successive quarter-finals now.
McClaren should not be the only one taking the blame, though. His players have let him down badly.
Staring into the abyss
Yes, England were missing the likes of skipper John Terry, Rio Ferdinand, Wayne Rooney and Michael Owen last night but we are constantly told we have enough “stars” to cope.
We have not. In fact we should ban the word star from being used in conjunction with an England player ever again.
This is as bad as it gets. On Sunday the World Cup draw is being staged in Durban and every team England are drawn against will be a potential threat.
This defeat ranked alongside the draw with Poland 34 years ago — which cost us a place at the 1974 World Cup — in England's hall of shame.
Like that night, this was another where the rain poured down. McClaren stood on the touchline with brolly in hand more interested in keeping himself dry than getting his tactics sorted out.
In contrast, opposition boss Slaven Bilic stood out there in beanie hat directing operations.
He could not have cared less about getting wet.
It is almost impossible to imagine a worse start to a game that any team could possibly make.
Think of your worst nightmare, multiply it by 100, and you would still be some way short.
A point was all England needed. Yet within 14 minutes they were staring into the abyss.
On eight minutes, Portsmouth’s Niko Kranjcar tested Carson with a 30-yard dipper and, as the young keeper stooped to collect it in the skiddy conditions, the ball bounced off his left arm and into the net. It was a howler in the same bracket as Robinson’s air shot in Zagreb where England lost a year ago.
At least Robbo had the excuse that the ball hit a divot on that occasion, whereas Carson failed the basic schoolboy test of getting his body behind the ball. he way to Euro 2008 elimination.
Although Shaun Wright-Phillips was denied by an excellent save from Stipe Pletikosa, Croatia ripped England apart with their next attack and scored again.
Arsenal’s Eduardo delivered a pass between the centre-backs and, with Wayne Bridge playing Ivica Olic onside, the Hamburg striker skipped round Carson and rolled the ball into an empty net.
The natives were turning ugly and when Kranjcar headed wide at the far post the booing started.
The bizarre saving grace was that Andorra were drawing 0-0 with Russia. If it stayed like that to the end it would mean England still qualified.
But by 39 minutes Russia went ahead and that lifeline was gone.
Carson looked like an accident waiting to happen every time the ball came his way.
He scuffed a clearance along the ground then, when Luca Modric had a pop from 30 yards, Carson patted it away in the style of a man who wanted to be anywhere but out on that field. It was painful, excruciating to watch.
The cameras kept panning to David Beckham, axed for this game in favour of Wright-Phillips’ pace.
The gamble had not worked and it was a measure of the nation’s desperation that we were willing Becks to come on and save the day. The half-time whistle blew and the boos were ear-splitting. McClaren went for the last throw of the dice to salvage his England career and put on Beckham at the start of the second half in place of Wright-Phillips.
Jermain Defoe also joined the fray in place of Gareth Barry as the team switched from 4-5-1 to 4-4-2.
It was ironic that McClaren was now calling on Becks to save his neck having ditched him so unceremoniously 15 months ago.
Beckham had famously got England to the 2002 World Cup finals with his injury-time equaliser against Greece six years ago. But this time his task was doubly hard.
England had hardly created a chance worthy of the name but they found hope amid the despair.
Joe Cole’s looping cross was aimed towards Defoe and, when he went down in the area, Swedish ref Peter Frojdfeldt blew for a penalty. It seemed a soft one but replays showed that Defoe’s shirt had been pulled.
Frank Lampard stepped up and confidently tucked the kick away.
FALSE HOPE ... Crouch levels but Croatia soon restored their lead
Having got back in it, England were almost instantly out of it again as Bridge hit a shot against his own bar after Olic again got past him.
Then, from a corner, Olic’s point-blank header produced an incredible stop from Carson on the line.
Incredibly, salvation appeared to come on 65 minutes and who else but Becks supplied it.
He measured his delivery from the right like Tiger Woods playing a delicate wedge.
It was perfect for Crouch who took it on his chest then fired a right-foot volley into the corner for his 14th goal in 24 internationals.
Crouch had said he wanted to be remembered for the goals which made a difference instead of the silly dance he performed before the World Cup.
For that to happen England had to hold out for the last 25 minutes. But sub Mladen Petric was out to make a name for himself and with one hefty swing of his left boot, he smacked a low drive from outside the box beyond Carson and into the far corner.
Arsenal’s Eduardo delivered a pass between the centre-backs and, with Wayne Bridge playing Ivica Olic onside, the Hamburg striker skipped round Carson and rolled the ball into an empty net.
The natives were turning ugly and when Kranjcar headed wide at the far post the booing started.
The bizarre saving grace was that Andorra were drawing 0-0 with Russia. If it stayed like that to the end it would mean England still qualified.
But by 39 minutes Russia went ahead and that lifeline was gone.
Carson looked like an accident waiting to happen every time the ball came his way.
He scuffed a clearance along the ground then, when Luca Modric had a pop from 30 yards, Carson patted it away in the style of a man who wanted to be anywhere but out on that field. It was painful, excruciating to watch.
The cameras kept panning to David Beckham, axed for this game in favour of Wright-Phillips’ pace.
The gamble had not worked and it was a measure of the nation’s desperation that we were willing Becks to come on and save the day. The half-time whistle blew and the boos were ear-splitting. McClaren went for the last throw of the dice to salvage his England career and put on Beckham at the start of the second half in place of Wright-Phillips.
Jermain Defoe also joined the fray in place of Gareth Barry as the team switched from 4-5-1 to 4-4-2.
It was ironic that McClaren was now calling on Becks to save his neck having ditched him so unceremoniously 15 months ago.
Beckham had famously got England to the 2002 World Cup finals with his injury-time equaliser against Greece six years ago. But this time his task was doubly hard.
England had hardly created a chance worthy of the name but they found hope amid the despair.
Joe Cole’s looping cross was aimed towards Defoe and, when he went down in the area, Swedish ref Peter Frojdfeldt blew for a penalty. It seemed a soft one but replays showed that Defoe’s shirt had been pulled.
Frank Lampard stepped up and confidently tucked the kick away.
FALSE HOPE ... Crouch levels but Croatia soon restored their lead
Having got back in it, England were almost instantly out of it again as Bridge hit a shot against his own bar after Olic again got past him.
Then, from a corner, Olic’s point-blank header produced an incredible stop from Carson on the line.
Incredibly, salvation appeared to come on 65 minutes and who else but Becks supplied it.
He measured his delivery from the right like Tiger Woods playing a delicate wedge.
It was perfect for Crouch who took it on his chest then fired a right-foot volley into the corner for his 14th goal in 24 internationals.
Crouch had said he wanted to be remembered for the goals which made a difference instead of the silly dance he performed before the World Cup.
For that to happen England had to hold out for the last 25 minutes. But sub Mladen Petric was out to make a name for himself and with one hefty swing of his left boot, he smacked a low drive from outside the box beyond Carson and into the far corner.
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